Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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