I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Boobs are out for the taking
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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