you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
