This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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