Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
