Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize