Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
