he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
