i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
