he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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