i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
