I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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