they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
