Your mouth is God's brothel.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
