plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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