ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
