Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
