Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
