Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
