Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
