I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
