I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
