You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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