I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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