I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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