I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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