Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize