the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
soo... how was my night?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
