she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
