I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
