I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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