i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
