Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
