The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i think my cat just said my name.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
