My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize
