we have pet lesbian snakes
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
