Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
