I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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