I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize