Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
bring money and cleavage
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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