dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
