who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
