Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
