Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
