Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
