Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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