I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize