I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
