You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
