Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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