# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
