My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
