Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
