i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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