Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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