Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Im part way to drunk.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
