Have you finally orgasmed yet?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
