i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
