Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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