I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
