This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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