who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
