If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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