well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
