You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
