your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
