I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize