I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
