Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
