God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
my liver is dry heaving
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
