I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
