I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
