yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize