My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
