Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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