It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
