I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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