Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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