she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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