I skipped work to stalk him.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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