I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
