from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
