I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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