Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
