North Korea, Best Korea!
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
