He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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