if only i could text you this smell
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
