oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
